On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
