what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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