Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
