i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
