I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
