she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
