All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
