This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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