I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
