the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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