So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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