It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
