i'm signing you up for texting rehab
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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