Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
