Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
