On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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