I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
