What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
