Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
