so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
