So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
