Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
