Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
