You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
everyone is single if you try hard enough
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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