if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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