It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The best revenge is premature balding
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
