I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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