I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
