She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
