she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
