My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
