i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
