So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
