Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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