meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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