Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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