is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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