And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
