Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
