billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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