Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
