this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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