I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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