dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize