Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
