I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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