even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have aggressive nipples.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
