some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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