I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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