im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
