he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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