Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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