The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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