Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
