Betty ford says i'm here all night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
