im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize