I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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