I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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