Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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