I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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