I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
