I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
