someone threw a dead crab at me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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