Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Me too!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
