Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
