I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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