You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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