It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
