everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize